Speak

This past week I had an assignment due for my english humanities class. I was to read a young adult novel that had been banned or censored. I decided to read Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, she is my boss's favorite author.

I knew I had picked the right book when I finished reading the back cover, because goosebumps covered my entire body. I finished it in 2 1/2 days. She wrote in such an honest and authentic way; I couldn't help by highlight passage after passage--I do this incase I ever need some inspiration while writing. In a way, reading this book once again confirmed my hopefully bright future. I too hope to write young adult in such a way that it has an impact over the young adult community. I want to provide a voice for readers who can't find theirs, similarly as Anderson has done. Although, I hope to help young girls that find themselves in a trouble, to those who have lost a parent, and those struggling with a mental illness. Of course, I don't aim to only provide literature for one genre of people. I hope to help young girls all over and with all sorts of problems, Anderson successfully does this. She makes girls feel like everything is going to be okay, whether they were a rape victim or not.

She has this line in the novel that I especially connected with. Melinda (the main character) is arguing in her head with herself. Melinda #1 wants to go to her lab partner's house, she likes him and he invited her over after a game. Melinda #2 hates being anywhere but home, never wants to go to a party again, and fears being alone with a boy. Melinda then asks herself:

"If I kick them both out of my head, who will be left?"

Wow, talk about perfect right? Especially pertaining to my last blog post, "Disappearing on Seoquel" and good news about that as well! My doctor finally listened to me. We decided that I am going to stay on the seroquel, but she also gave me a prescription to adderall.  AND IT'S WORKING! I am not manic, I am not depressed. I go to sleep at night, wake up for work everyday, do my homework everyday, and the house has even been clean! 

So to answer my previous question, "who will be left?"

Well, very similarly to when I first began Seroquel, my doctor's words were: "The first five days you won't be able to get out of bed, but within a week, you will feel normal."

My reply through tears, "What does normal feel like?"

She laughed and said that hopefully I will find out soon.

I think this might be it. Not fighting with my boyfriend, going out to his birthday dinner tonight, interested in school again, I love my job....

I think that once I kicked them both out of my head, "I" began to come back. The "me" that I've been missing... the one I thought I had lost. It's a good feeling, and I'm glad Melina finally found it too.