In the Fall of 2006 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. In December of 2012 I experienced the worst, not the first, depressive episode I've yet to have. I'd lay in bed all day sleeping, when I woke I wouldn't be able to stop crying, I didn't know why. I stopped going to class, I stopped looking for a job, I fell two months behind in paying rent and had no way to come up with the money. I had fallen behind with payments of a ticket I received, I had a warrant for my arrest. I was waiting to be evicted, waiting to be arrested, and worse than anything: waiting, hoping, to die.

I'd spend countless hours on the internet researching my symptoms. I knew what was wrong with me, I knew it was my bipolar. I'd read blogs from other people that were bipolar, searching and hoping for a way to end this. I thought that I was bound to feel that way for the rest of my life. I'd sit on my floor, sobbing for hours, writing furiously through my tears. I wrote countless suicide notes, I had come to terms with death and was so close to accepting it as my fate.

And then, I met Waleed. 

He had a eight week old pitbull named Kali that was the cutest puppy I've seen to this day.

You have to admit, she is adorable.

Waleed and I fell in love very quickly, almost too quickly.

He saw that I was broken, and he wanted to fix me. He asked me to be his girlfriend on the New Year's countdown: Five, four, three, two, one--"Lauren Rice, will you be my girlfriend?"

I know, so cheesy, so middle school, but still, so cute.

After nine days of being official, he asked me to move in with him. He let me pick out the apartment, and we still live here. He paid rent by himself the first few months. I went to a psychiatrist, applied for a medical withdrawal for the previous semester, and focused on fixing myself.

We had a lot of rough patches. For the first few months I still battled with depression, I attempted suicide once, and refused to stay on my meds. Waleed dealt with my crying spells, my sleeping all day, and my temper tantrums for three months before I started seeing my psychiatrist again. At that point in time, I had only one thing that made me happy, Kali. Not even Waleed at the time! 

I've now been medicated for a few months. I have two jobs, one of them my DREAM job (Virginia G. Piper Center for Creative Writing). I am still a full-time student. I have picked up my love for cooking and decorating again. Waleed and I will be celebrating our eight month anniversary soon. Kali is now 10 months old and HUGE. And I can't imagine why in the world I would ever want to end my life.

It's hard to believe I couldn't see the light in life just a few months ago, and now I have so much good in my life I don't know what to do with it. I am so in love with Waleed and Kali that I don't have room for sadness in my heart anymore. It's a good feeling. And I'm still a little bit crazy-- crazy in love :)